You and Me and Everyone We know

If Only I Were a Painter I'd Paint for You the Moon

Sometimes girlfriends get mad and then a good way to soften their mood is to make them a mix tape, mix CD, play list or whatever. I am just saying boys, this is good advice for free right here. Not that anyone has made ME a mix in about forever and a day, but hey, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN A FRIEND MIGHT SURPRISE YOU.

...

I am listening to "Cellphone's Dead" by Beck. It is a nice song. I like Beck, he's funky.

I think I am going to go sleep. I haven't laid down in bed in a day and a half, and I am starting to feel quite tired. This is for another day, new opportunities. Put the sun under your wings for the required heat, I am going dancing.

If I needed just one reason to save the world; it would be you.

She had tried to earth him, instead she had split him.

"What will you do now?"
"I have not the least idea."
"I love you," he said.
The three most difficult words in the world
She touched him as she went past him and slowly down the stairs He listened until he heard the door close a long way off - at the bottom of his life, it seemed.
Then he started to cry.

...

Miss Pinch came visiting, and asked me what I intended to do with my future. She spoke about it as though it were an incurable disease.
"You have a future," she said. "We must take it into account."
She suggested I try for a Junior Trainee Assistant Librarian Temporary Grade on a three-month work placement. She warned me that I shouldn't be too ambitious - not suitable for Females, but that librarian-ship was suitable for Females. Miss Pinch always said Females, holding the word away from her by its tail.
My future had been the lighthouse. Without the lighthouse, I would have to begin again - again.

-Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping

7 works of fiction, one 200 page textbook about studying novels and a term list with 55 terms from a 350 page glossary of literary terms. How can I possibly make this?

Because I am nothing short of extraordinary, that is how.

Don't regret your life, child. It will pass soon enough.

Metafiction can go SUCK it

Please don't talk to me I fall in love so easily

The weather is really nice, the sun is shining, the temperature is warm but not too warm, there is a little bit of wind and it's a perfect day for a stroll in the park or a BBQ.

But I'm stuck inside studying!

I brought it on my self. Yesterday was Vivian's birthday and we decided to spend it in denial, doing everything but revising for our exams. After she went to bed on Sunday night I baked a cake, decorated the kitchen with balloons and set the table with her presents and birthday cups and plates. We had breakfast at 11.30 the next morning, and proceeded with watching some episodes of Extras (David Bowie for the fucking WIN) and other random crap. Vivian's dad was in town, and after making dinner plans with him we watched Billy Elliott while eating crisps and laying in my bed. Good times. We went to the Chinese restaurant we always order from, but both of us were full from the crisps and soda, so we couldn't eat that much. We finished off the evening by watching Pirate's of the Caribbean 3, which was better than I expected. I liked it a lot more than I liked the second movie (merely a shadow of the first), and the multiple Jack Sparrows running around didn't hurt either. Instead of being responsible adults and going to bed when we came back we spent a few hours between the covers and pillows in my bed, watching crappy TV shows and eating Vivian's favorite 7/11 snack: Pink doughnuts.


English Tea

I am moving out of here for good in less than 2 weeks and it's making me more and more sad. I am not just going to miss Vivian like crazy, but this freedom and all the opportunities that comes from living in a larger city than Bodø. It is not that bad back home, but it is worse than this place, and now that I am moving I feel like I have thrown away all my chances and that I have pretty much blown this whole year. Ah, I think the best idea is to just not think about it right now and go back to my termlist, textbook and 7 works of fiction I need to get through before 9 am tomorrow morning.

When you're on your own
When you're at a fork in the road
You don't know which way to go
There's too many signs and arrows
You haven't laughed in a while
When you can't even fake a smile
When you feel ashamed
The uniform don't make you brave

All I can do is love you to pieces
Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it
When the day is long and the night is coming down on you
All I can do

For old times..

I wanted to just show this off

I remember this pretty well. Not that it is very old, but yeah, it's really funny. Those silly Danish people..

WATCH THIS, PEOPLESSSS!

Happiness is silent, or speaks equivocally for friends,
Grief is explicit and her song never ends,
Happiness is like England, and will not state a case,
Grief, like Guilt, rushes in and talks apace.

Stevie Smith

My mother called me Silver. I was born part precious metal part pirate.

Lighthousekeeping

"I have no father. There's nothing unusual about that, even children who do have fathers are often surprised to see them. My own father came out of the sea and went back that way. He was crew on a fishing boat that harboured with us one night when the waves were crashing like dark glass. His splinted hull shored him for long enough to drop anchor inside my mother.
Shoals of babies vied for life.
I won."
-Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping

That was taken from the opening of the book I am currently reading. It's on my curriculum. Vivian has read it and says it's the best work on the list, except maybe "The yellow wall-paper", which was a short story I enjoyed quite a lot my self. We have a lot of female writers, and I enjoy that.

My head hurts and I'm lonely. The summer seems so far away with all the rain outside, and one part of me feels sad about that and the other one is comforted. I don't like my life right now, other than living with someone I like living with in a rather nice apartment I am not happy, but at the same time I am scared of the summer. I am scared I'll be even lonelier, and if I end up that way I wont even have Vivian to bother. I'll be pretty much by my self in a house that is way too big for one person. Last summer I spent over three weeks living there without my parents, and at times it got lonely at night. If Hannes ends up standing me up I don't predict a better outcome for this summer.

But you have to stay positive, I guess. It's almost our independence day and I'll be spending it with Vivian, barbecuing if the weather allows. No matter what I'll be eating a bunch of popsicles, as the tradition requires. I wont be wearing my traditional dress, but whatever, that thing is such a drag to put on anyway.

I cannot believe I am actually going home in a few weeks. It's going to be so weird, because I am actually moving there for the time being. And unless I move out with Hannes, there's a 50/50 chance I might just stay and work, at least until September, and that is 4 very long months. Then I'll have to move out on my own, God knows where. That is certainly not the only reason I hope Hannes wont screw me over and change all of our plans, but it's one of them, moving out on my own without even a school to go to is pretty overwhelming. I guess I could pick up some of my stuff and go on a world tour all by my self, but that also sounds like asking for trouble. Knowing my self I'd end up screwing something up, with no safety net to fall back on and no one to help me out.

Girl, Interrupted

The Only Moment We Were Alone

This is definitely not a good day for me. I'm not sure what I feel, but it's not a good feeling, even if it's disturbingly familiar. I woke up with this feeling, I went to the bathroom and splashed water in my face with this feeling, I said hello to Vivian with this feeling. I kind of want to take a walk, but for some reason I have a feeling it will only make matters worse.

I want to be familiar with my self. I want to know how I will feel when I wake up in the morning. I want to know what my reactions to different situations will be, I don't want to be my own stranger. But then again, so does the rest of the world. Whatever we do, whatever we feel, we are not alone. We will never be alone. And as comforting as that might sound to some, it's also an incredibly depressing thought to deal with when you're in the middle of trying to find your self. Because no matter what you do, no matter what you think, there'll always be someone who's just about the same as you, just better.

At the moment, I feel like someone has knocked me over in the process of dragging the rug underneath me away. I'm holding on to it with claws and teeth, but all I end up doing is destroying it while it slips away. Why can't I be better? Why can't I just let it go and hope that something new and better will replace it in the future? Why can't I just be happy? For all of life's beautiful things, there is enough shit to cover it twice - I'm just making it even more difficult for my self. But I don't believe in fate, I believe in working towards what I want. The fact that am incredibly destructive in my behavior goes against all that - in fact it seems that instead of fighting for things I just wreck them until nothing is left, and it's actually fate that holds what I care about together. It's a very confusing scenario, I'll tell you that.

Whatever, whatever, I'll just follow the stream and see where life leads me.

Here comes the sun

Everybody's happy nowadays

So today some odd people came and took a look at our apartment. It was pretty weird, they didn't seem deserving enough to live here, but at the same time it sucked to have my personal space invaded like that so I hope they take it. That way we will not have to do it again, and also I might have to pay only half of the rent for June, after all we'll be staying here for about 10 days or so..

Watching the Eurovision Song Contest obviously sucked ass, since we didn't qualify and, well, our song was incredibly, incredibly lame. I'm also sad that DJ Bobo and his mannequin vampires didn't move on, nor those.. incredibly lame Blink 182 rip-off kids from Andorra. Having someone sing in Catalan should have qualified them alone, besides they made me laugh. Luckily the Turkish dude came through and got a spot, we called him "The little man with the bow-tie". It's a given that we'll be watching the proper show on Saturday, but I foresee a lot of very bitter booing. I don't know what it is, I've only liked about a handful of the Norwegian entires (and I've been watching since I was a little girl), but there's nothing like the national pride that makes me shout and scream when we're nearing the end of the voting. Hannes knows how this works, he was with me when Norway won the World Idol contest, HAHA THAT WAS FUNNY! I'm also quite sure Renate knows what I am talking about, as I've spent quite a few of the Eurovision finals with her.

I finished even more mail yesterday, while watching some lame movie online. I have 7 letters/packages that I need to send off, and it's gonna cost me. As I know I have a job when I get back I might ask my mother for a small loan; I'd like not to have to spend my last few weeks here eating noodles and not doing things. I am not sure how that will fly, but let us all hope for a positive outcome.

Oh, and btw, Lano Mix/Mix for May 2007 has been completed. I usually make a mix each month, but this month has been a bit different because I had to finish it before the end of the month, hence the alternative name. I've never published it though, but now I will, and here you go: (Please don't rip on me for the poor choices, this is a somewhat a completely random collection of songs I've been listening to lately..)

1. The Cops - Cop Pop
2. Y.A.C.H.T. - See a penny (Pick it up)
3. Sondre Lerche - Phantom Punch
4. The Beatles - Her Majesty
5. Page France - Me, Violin and Dancing bear
6. José González - Hand on your heart
7. Rufus Wainwright - Going to a town
8. Elliott Smith - All cleaned out
9. Albert Hammond, Jr. - Bright young thing
10. Nina Simone - Here comes the sun
11. Novi Split - California skies
12. The Bluetones - Nae Hair On't
13. Sarah Blasko - Planet new year
14. Belles Will Ring - It's only goodbye
15. Charles Wright - Express yourself
16. Tobias Froberg - What Goes around (Yes, this is a Justin Timberlake cover)
17. Hot Chip - My Piano
18. Travis - Battleships
19. Butterfly Boucher - A beautiful book
20. Mystery Jets - You can't fool me Dennis

I might try to find a way to upload it, but I kind of doubt anyone wants to download it, since 2 people read this blog and neither of them share my musical taste enough to really appreciate it anyway. Yep. And with that I shall sign off.. and not sleep, because that will never happen.

Sky Blue Sky

I don't mean to get high

Some interesting and mellow releases this month; including Travis' "The Boy With No Name" And Wilco's "Sky Blue Sky". I've gotten my hands on a couple of tracks from both albums, and I have got to say I am liking it, at least considering the genre.

With a sky blue sky
This rotten time
Wouldn’t seem so bad to me now
Oh, I didn’t die
I should be satisfied
I survived
That's good enough for now

I cannot hold on to the fact that I will be moving out of this apartment in about a month. It has been a year filled with joy, sadness and a lot of anger. Vivian couldn't have been a better room mate, and although this has basically been a social experiment with us not getting any other friends I have felt lonely surprisingly seldom. I am really going to miss her, and when she's off to New Zealand in January 2008 I know I'll feel both proud, happy and a little bit sad. It's slightly harder to pop in for a visit when the person lives on the other side of the world.

Living with someone who has enough control over their life to know what they'll be doing in a year's time obviously gets you thinking. What the hell will I be doing next year around this time? In my heart I'm hoping I will be living with Hannes, but I cannot say that I don't see that projection as somewhat doubtful, considering our past and even our present. I am not quite sure where he stands, I know what I want and I know what I want to happen, and even if he says that is what he wants as well I cannot help but to have doubts, which I feel ok with knowing that if he does stand me up again I cannot allow my self to get completely crushed; after all I thought it might happen. A horrible outlook on life, but come on, I'm dealing with a shady Swede. To brighten this up a bit I shall now post a video for one of the new Travis songs, definitely worth a watch. That's a hell of a lot of t-shirts, yo!



I have 11 books to get through, but this time I will make it. Quite a lot of it is tedious fiction (Reading "Wuthering Heights" again is not something I can say I am looking forward to) but when it comes down to it the material is quite interesting. After getting a green (and a very green at that) light on my essay I know I will sit all my remaining exams, and now I feel prepared to kick ass this last month living at Teh Starship. I can do it, I can win at life once again.

I love you kids, even if you really suck at commenting.

Again and again

I hate Camera

Say my name, say my name, say my stupid name
It's stupid how we always seem to do it again, oh

You're so stupid and perfect
And stupid and perfect
I hate you, I want you
I hate you, I hate you, oh
Again, again, again, again

La, la, la
Again and again and again
Do it again
Do it again

It is incredible how the human mind works, confusing the hell out of us until we are down on our knees begging for it to stop. Some of us reach an age of one hundred years, but we still cannot figure out how to do this properly. For generations we are born, raised, we breed and then die, but still no one can think of a perfect recipe to make life worth that extra mile we have to travel every day. At least that is how I look at it. It seems like such a drag, and the only real reason for going on is because we honestly do not know any better, and death is such a big and scary deal. I am not suggesting that we all go kill our selves, but surely, there must be a way to maximize the experience! It is so true what they say, we only have one life, some of us shorter than others. Yet we waste our time doing boring and pointless crap, trying to fit in with the rest of the world. Why do we have the ability to take things for granted? Why do we always learn to stop looking at the beautiful flowers and turn to generic plastic objects that make our life easier instead? Why do we even want life to be easy, isn't the struggle part of the thrill? Whatever it is, I cannot figure it out.

That didn't even make sense, but I'm so beyond the point of caring that I could throw up.

I'll see you when you're gone

And you better be good

I did a horrible, horrible thing. I forgot someone. And now I feel terrible, as I should. I am going to try to make up for it, but I doubt I will ever forgive my self. Not that I even should, gosh, I suck.

According to Vivian, today is the official Pajamas day. That means we are all supposed to wear pajamas the whole day, no matter what we do or where we go. She has been doing it for 3 years in a row or something, but I cannot really remember it from last year. But then again she wore pajamas a lot. In my case I am alright about it, but I feel a bit weird since I kind of need to go to the store, and all my pajamas are either weird looking or knee high. Ohmyohmy.

Your class, your caste, your country, sect, your name or your tribe
There's people always dying trying to keep them alive
There's bodies decomposing in containers tonight
In an abandoned building where
The squatters made a mural of a Mexican girl
With fifteen cans of spray paint and a chemical swirl
She's standing in the ashes at the end of the world

Today I am filled with a feeling of panic for various reasons. I guess one of them is apparent, but I am still hoping for better news in that department (even if it is starting to look pretty grim). AI CARAMBA. I had various fucked up dreams tonight. They involved most of my friends from back home, and cake. We were all at Renate's house, and Fox was acting up and Stian was incredibly tall (even taller than he is in real life) and her father was running around yelling at Fox. That's all I want to write about it, because it got quite strange from there.

The Medication is not working, come on world, get me high!

As I start to wonder why I am even writing this I realize that there's a lot to be done in the world, and plenty of people to do it. What is the difference between you and them? Perhaps you do not turn out to be as lazy and selfish. Yeah, sorry for all the bullshit, it is just another one of those days.

This
This life is boring
This
This life right now is snoring
But that's all right
That's okay
It's still worth living

When it is not I got the gun for my head
And I want to break free instead
But I could never pull the trigger
I get too scared
So I stand up instead
I go wild

Dear, dear man
Be nice to your girl
She knows that you could
Live without her
And so she cries in your arms
Every night
Til you walk out the door
She goes wild

Oh, there's a song, there's a song, there's a song, there's a song, there's a song,
There's a song
It's in my head
There's a song, there's a song
A little country song It's in my head

I think I'm worth the wait

Never leave your heart alone

I am actually not quite sure why I am writing today. Or, well, right now. I am sure I could have thought of something
earlier today, or perhaps later tonight as I avoid going to sleep, but right now my mind is pretty blank. It is not an ideal state when you are trying to write a very important essay, I will tell you that.

Today has been like all the other days, except not at all. We made the things that are featured on the picture; a great success, apparently it is the baking in the oven that get various results (Yes, Oliver, I am looking at you and your response). We had like 4 of them for desert, so now I feel quite stuffed.

It's a typical situation in these typical times
Too many choices, hey yeah
It's a typical situation in these typical times
Too many choices

Everybody's happy everybody's free
Keep the big door open, everyone'll come around
Why're you different, why are you that way
If you don't get in line we'll lock you away

Two is a perfect number

While we ate pasta with tomato sauce we watched Pom Poko, another Studio Ghibili classic. I kind of failed to understand the moral of the story, but hey, the raccoons were pretty cool at times. But to be honest I feel like such an idiot going on about food and movies when really all I want to write about is hos much things suck. I will not listen to my self. I am trying something new and it will probably suffocate me completely, but at least I will hold on until then. What? I do not really know.

It all comes down to nothing
Six senses feeling five around a sense of self
Four season turn on'n turn off
I can see three corners from this corner
Two's a perfect number
But one, well

I guess that is me.

Another version of the truth

Eventually it'll break your heart

I am lonely down to the bone. I hate to complain about it, but seriously, I am lonely down to the bone. The room I am sitting in is not particularly large or small, but it is suffocating me in a way that makes it feels like it is the biggest empty void in the history of the universe. I know that is a complete contradiction, I guess that only makes my feelings worse. The fact that I am terrified out of my mind and in a total state of panic does not help either. Hurrah.

I guess the reasons behind my feelings are apparent. Although, different people have different parts of the puzzle, so no one really has an overview of the entire scenery. I do not even have that, and in a way that makes me happy because I think I would freak out if I did. I tend to focus on one problem at the time not to get too overwhelmed. The downside is that there is always something to worry about that way, you never get everything out of the way and the breaks from total panic are rare.

I miss you guys, all of you.

Dear Mr. Supercomputer

Welcome, ghosts

Am I working? Not really. When I took this picture I kind of was though, so I guess that's better than nothing. I really cannot concentrate, and this feels so unimportant, so it's hard to keep on working for more than 2 seconds at a time. I really want to hear from Hannes as well, I don't know where he is, but he did promise to call today. Not that I feel like I can trust his word when it comes to that, but then again there is always hope in my heart that he will follow through with what he says. I am not sure if that makes me a fool or not.

Goooo failure-kari, go!

Tears for affairs

Blow him back into my arms

I pray the wind will blow.

It's a strange kind of sentimental feeling you get when you see your life crashing down before your eyes, not even in a position to stop it. And the things you can change, they seem so stupid and pointless and depressing that you can barely manage to even try.

Am I losing you? And you? And you, and you and you? Am I losing everything? Am I losing my mind, am I going to completely change my future because I cannot go through with whatever is in fact needed of me? I have got this tendency to just ignore things, pretend the problems are not there in order not to sink back into whatever dump I was in last fall. Because I honestly think that if I went back to that, I would surely die. But pretending nothing is wrong and ignoring the much needed solutions is just going to make things worse, and I'll have even more to deal with once life catches up with me. In fact, then I will have real problems to deal with instead of just trying to find a way out of situations that I could have avoided but did not. I guess I am so scared of failing that I do not even bother trying. But then again, that is classic Kari behavior.

Everything is temporary

I wanna be adored

And I wanna be Louis Theroux, documentary film-maker with two passports! He has a dream job, getting to seek out incredible and special people (good and bad), and live amongst them while filming. He has also got the kind of personality that I like, and I think he angles his stories and documentaries very well. I've known about him for a while, but never really watched much of his stuff, especially not his own show. I started watching his piece on "The most hated family in America", the Phelps family, and went on from there.



Shocking, quite sad and man how I feel for those children. You should check out some of his work:

http://www.tv-links.co.uk/show.do/1/1376

I want you (She's so heavy)

So, another day, another worry. No, no, actually it is my father's 50th birthday today, so I guess I should dedicate this entry to him. I really do hope he will never read it though, because that would mean he has found this blog, and that would be problematic. Do you ever think about that? What would happen if your family found your blogs and picture diaries and music sites and web pages and whatever? In my case it would be bizarre, surreal, and probably change the way they would look at me for the rest of my life. I feel like such a different person on here, and the honesty I write with just fails with them. It is not because they are bad people, it is just because they are difficult to talk to and deal with, and in the end mostly because I'm actually just a big fat coward.

I think that is enough for now, but fear not, I'll definitely be back.

Dump for broken dreams

Almost crimes

I swear, this assignment will be the death of me. Alright, maybe not. No, this is not going to turn into one of those whiny entries, but really, I gotta get this off my chest: I don't wanna do this. I wanna start studying for my exams and go outside. But wait, what's outside?

Snow.

Yes, bloody snow. Snow in April isn't that uncommon, at least not where I come from, but here it is pretty shocking. A few days ago I was making plans with Vivian to have a BBQ and take trips and do all kinds of nice outdoorsy activities. We even bough popsicles to put in the freezer, and now we've been cheated of this as well!

Our lives are rather monotone as of now, or perhaps that is what they are not, that is what they should be. Last night we suddenly got the urge to be terribly irresponsible and waste all of our time watching 8 episodes of LOST. We both have quite amazing persuasive skills, but then again the people we are trying to persuade (our selves) are not resisting it one bit.

I cannot tell you why I smile

So LOST was quite exciting, but it obviously bothers me that it was the highlight of my day. I had a little contact with Hannes, but my worries and fears kind of polluted that and he pretty much ended up never replying to a rather awful text message I wrote. I do not know why I get like that, I guess part of me still blames him, and some of my problems right now are still based around him and what he does (and does not do). It is really something I should try to stop doing, as my mother says; it's impossible to change anyone but your self - but sometimes things just feel so bloody unfair and it is pretty much because of something he has done. I am no saint, I do stupid things all the time, but I really do try to learn from my own mistakes.

I love how I communicate with Vivian, we have our own way of talking to each other, making life a little easier and a bit more fun. It is not the language, even if it is a lot of fun it doesn't make that big of a difference, it is just the way we pay attention to each other and the way we take interest. We do have a bad influence on each other, but in some way we manage anyway. It is going to be quite sad to leave her and this apartment, it really has become worthy of it's name "The Starship".

All systems red

What bothers me the most about this assignment, and the course in general, is that it is kind of up my alley. I am quite interested in language, and even though grammar has never been my strong suit, it does interest me. I think my brain has some kind of chip in it, making me lose interest in things that I need to do, starting to focus on things I really do not need to do. It is bloody annoying, that is what it is, but all you can do about it is suck it up and do whatever you do not feel like doing.

I guess I really need to try to work now. I walked over to my desk and got my book earlier, but to be honest I have only opened it to take pictures of my self flipping it off. Hell yes, I am a bad, bad girl. Someone should definitely punish me.

In all seriousness; I will do this, and I will do it well. Then I will sleep, get up again and do more work. I'll repeat that twice and on Monday I shall turn in an assignment I am proud of. And then I shall start working on the essay I have to write before the 30th, and I'll manage that as well. Because that's what you do in life.

You manage.

Two suns in the sunset

Die motherfucker die

My meeting with my professor went relatively well; that is if you do not consider that I overslept; had to run to school; got lost in the hallway and forgot the note with the room number. Argh. The actual meeting went fine, we just talked about the essay I spent about 4 hours writing down, 5 hours before the deadline. I started feeling weird in the middle of it though, so it was a bit hard to concentrate. After a little trip to the book store (I bought a philosphy book on sale) a very weird man came up to me and started chit-chatting about the weather. I politely excused my self and started heading home; the thought of sitting 2 hours in the lecture hall made me want to cringe. I got back here after talking to my mother on the way home, she suggests that I call the student medical services tomorrow if I don't get completely well. God, I am so sick of being, well, sick.

Yesterday was pretty relaxed. We did get up at 8, and I spent the whole day being really tired since I only slept about 2 hours, but hey, what can you do? Well, I guess I could have made an effort to go to sleep when I got back from school around 10.30, but then I didn't feel tired. I kind of paid for that later, while we watched Sense and Sensibility for school, seeing it made me fall asleep. I always feel dreadful when I fall asleep in warm places without brushing my teeth first, so I pretty much just wanted to die.

Wish you were here

Right now I am watching "The Riches", which is turning out to be a pretty good show! Eddie Izzard is cool, and the youngest kid is just so messed up and cute. I'm only on the second episode, so there's still 4 more to go before I've run out of ones to stream. I think there are 7 or something in total. I really should not watch these right now, God knows I have enough to do without watching TV shows. There's another linguistics assignment due this Monday, and I have yet to start that one. I also have to read Sense and Sensibility, but I'm looking forward to that anyway. Just too bad that philosophy book looks a lot more intriguing at the moment, but then again I always feel compelled to read the things I don't necessarily have to read instead of what I really ought to.

Ah man, I miss Hannes so much, I wish he'd send me a textmessage or call me. :/

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

No distance left to run

Publish my love

Another day, another memory, another picture, another .. what am I on about anyway? You try to put your thoughts into words, but you end up failing every time.

I'm adaptable and I like my new role
I'm getting better and better
And I have a new goal
I'm changing my ways where money applies
This is not a love song

I'm not well yet, that much is apparent. I guess what remains to see is whether or not this drug will work, and if I will be alright after the cure is over. I really hope so, going to the doctor is fairly expensive and really, I'm a poor student. I never used to think about my health much, and now it takes up a much larger portion of my time than I would like. Then again, I was really sick as a kid, but then I stayed healthy for many years. We can't have it all, it would be too easy.

After passing out around 5 am last night, I woke up at the wonderful hour of 2 pm. As the day was already pretty much over, I tried to do some damage control; shopping; cleaning; showering and doing some minor budgeting. Returning from the shop I found my self having difficulties carrying all the groceries the very short walk back to my apartment. During my minor budgeting I found that Vivian is way ahead of me on our overview, and I wanted to correct that a little. I bought a lot of food for both of us, and some juices and yogurt on the doctor's orders. It was a nice trip; I listened to my iPod and enjoyed my self among all the people, even if I looked like a stupid cow.

People of the earth are you hearing me
I'm dropping you a line from the cosmic city
There's nothing on the telly and the radio's shite
So I'm gonna blow you off with my meteorite

Sucking too hard on your lollipop - love's gonna get you down

Seeing Vivian again was great. We immediately started speaking our own little language, and it didn't take long for us to start yelling and laughing and running around like we always do. She (as me) had gotten a little tired of being at home with her parental unit, so she seemed quite happy to be back at the starship. We ate mozzarella and pesto pizza while watching the first episode of Futurama. Another amusing activity we partook in was raiding the 10 NOK marked at ICA maxi like the startroopers we are. A lot of worthless stuff was purchased, including some over priced popsicles that came with stick-on zoo animal tattoos. They also had some code we could register online, but when we tried that it did not work. This obviously pissed us off, so a lot of swearing and yelling occurred during the hours of.. ah, who am I kidding, we do nothing but curse at the sky.

It is now 4.22 am and I really need to sleep. I am attending a Prose lecture in less than 4 hours, and we usually leave half an hour or so beforehand. That leaves me about 2 hours to sleep if I am lucky and manage to fall asleep right away. Chances are I will not, but hey, a girl can dream.

Peace out guys, hope to see you soon.

In the daylight hours
I go out and kill the flowers
Faces all too clear
Keep on looming near

Are you lonely?
Are you lonely?
Are you lonely?

I know I am.

About a boy

Don't you (forget about me)

Won't you come see about me?
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out and
Love's strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart
When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me

Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

Will you recognise me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ohhhh.....

Don't you try to pretend
It's my feeling we'll win in the end
I won't harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity and security

Don't you forget about me
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Going to take you apart
I'll put us back together at heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me

As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
When you walk away

Or will you walk away?
Will you walk on by?
Come on - call my name
Will you all my name?

Spring in Trondheim

I Don't Need Love, I've Got My Band

Sometimes I catch my self staring into thin air, wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. I know this is somewhat of a common problem, but I consider it such a waste of time. I already spend all of my time thinking; when I try not to think all I end up doing is trying not to think about thinking, resulting in thinking about how I cannot stop thinking. I remember this scenario from when I was about 8, and I still cannot figure it out. Some people know exactly what I mean, others have no idea how it is not to be able to not think at all times.

I'm not sure why I made this blog. Sometimes I just need a place to put down my thoughts, no questions asked. But then again, publishing them on the internet the chance of questions being asked increases significantly. I have tried to write in my moleskine but as always I can not finish that project either. Actually, I never really started, my last entry was written sometime last year. In fact, I did not even date the entry, another brilliant decision on my part.

Jesus, I wish I could get the flow back into my writing. I suffer the terrible faith of too many commas, paragraphs and a very absent mind. It's hard to deal with.

Love will tear us apart

My "band" (or collaboration, if you mind) with Hannes suffered a little after we changed our name from "Kah" to "Long Distance Pirates". We were supposed to record all of our songs over again (G-d knows we need to, all our recordings are first takes and I sound horrible), but then we sort of forgot about it. I suppose that happens when you are busy hanging out with people who act like a couple, but will not admit to being one, or you just like making out a lot. On that subject (Hannes, not music), I am not quite sure what the deal is. We are going a bit back and forth, my problem being that even though he is a bit of a shithead from time to time, I feel that we are so close to the finish line of this part (the painful, sucky long distance part) that I cannot bail. I would hate my self forever, perhaps (and hopefully) even more so than if I just let him go right now. Besides, he seems to believe in us, so I guess that is one.

He is really good with my family. Always so nice and polite, and he even gets them better than me. We doubled with my parents at a fancy restaurant this Saturday, and while I got annoyed and slightly aggravated at their lame attempts of being funny or give me lectures, he just smiled and took it as a man. He even talked to my mother about her helping him get a job within the health sector this summer. I really hope it happens this year.

Nothing Like You And I

I'm getting really tired. I stayed up all night with Hannes, watching Gilmore Girls and laying in bed holding him tight. You must never underestimate the human touch, it can work such wonders on lonely, absent minds. So, that being said I shall bid you farewell, and hope to see you tomorrow, or something. Not that anyone actually knows about this place yet, but maybe in a day, week, month, year or decade they will, and they can go back and read this.

Goodbye Sad Songs.