I Don't Need Love, I've Got My Band
Sometimes I catch my self staring into thin air, wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. I know this is somewhat of a common problem, but I consider it such a waste of time. I already spend all of my time thinking; when I try not to think all I end up doing is trying not to think about thinking, resulting in thinking about how I cannot stop thinking. I remember this scenario from when I was about 8, and I still cannot figure it out. Some people know exactly what I mean, others have no idea how it is not to be able to not think at all times.
I'm not sure why I made this blog. Sometimes I just need a place to put down my thoughts, no questions asked. But then again, publishing them on the internet the chance of questions being asked increases significantly. I have tried to write in my moleskine but as always I can not finish that project either. Actually, I never really started, my last entry was written sometime last year. In fact, I did not even date the entry, another brilliant decision on my part.
Jesus, I wish I could get the flow back into my writing. I suffer the terrible faith of too many commas, paragraphs and a very absent mind. It's hard to deal with.
Love will tear us apart
My "band" (or collaboration, if you mind) with Hannes suffered a little after we changed our name from "Kah" to "Long Distance Pirates". We were supposed to record all of our songs over again (G-d knows we need to, all our recordings are first takes and I sound horrible), but then we sort of forgot about it. I suppose that happens when you are busy hanging out with people who act like a couple, but will not admit to being one, or you just like making out a lot. On that subject (Hannes, not music), I am not quite sure what the deal is. We are going a bit back and forth, my problem being that even though he is a bit of a shithead from time to time, I feel that we are so close to the finish line of this part (the painful, sucky long distance part) that I cannot bail. I would hate my self forever, perhaps (and hopefully) even more so than if I just let him go right now. Besides, he seems to believe in us, so I guess that is one.
He is really good with my family. Always so nice and polite, and he even gets them better than me. We doubled with my parents at a fancy restaurant this Saturday, and while I got annoyed and slightly aggravated at their lame attempts of being funny or give me lectures, he just smiled and took it as a man. He even talked to my mother about her helping him get a job within the health sector this summer. I really hope it happens this year.
Nothing Like You And I
I'm getting really tired. I stayed up all night with Hannes, watching Gilmore Girls and laying in bed holding him tight. You must never underestimate the human touch, it can work such wonders on lonely, absent minds. So, that being said I shall bid you farewell, and hope to see you tomorrow, or something. Not that anyone actually knows about this place yet, but maybe in a day, week, month, year or decade they will, and they can go back and read this.
Goodbye Sad Songs.