Thursday, 31 May 2007

You and Me and Everyone We know

If Only I Were a Painter I'd Paint for You the Moon

Sometimes girlfriends get mad and then a good way to soften their mood is to make them a mix tape, mix CD, play list or whatever. I am just saying boys, this is good advice for free right here. Not that anyone has made ME a mix in about forever and a day, but hey, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN A FRIEND MIGHT SURPRISE YOU.


I am listening to "Cellphone's Dead" by Beck. It is a nice song. I like Beck, he's funky.

I think I am going to go sleep. I haven't laid down in bed in a day and a half, and I am starting to feel quite tired. This is for another day, new opportunities. Put the sun under your wings for the required heat, I am going dancing.

Tuesday, 29 May 2007

If I needed just one reason to save the world; it would be you.

She had tried to earth him, instead she had split him.

"What will you do now?"
"I have not the least idea."
"I love you," he said.
The three most difficult words in the world
She touched him as she went past him and slowly down the stairs He listened until he heard the door close a long way off - at the bottom of his life, it seemed.
Then he started to cry.


Miss Pinch came visiting, and asked me what I intended to do with my future. She spoke about it as though it were an incurable disease.
"You have a future," she said. "We must take it into account."
She suggested I try for a Junior Trainee Assistant Librarian Temporary Grade on a three-month work placement. She warned me that I shouldn't be too ambitious - not suitable for Females, but that librarian-ship was suitable for Females. Miss Pinch always said Females, holding the word away from her by its tail.
My future had been the lighthouse. Without the lighthouse, I would have to begin again - again.

-Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping

7 works of fiction, one 200 page textbook about studying novels and a term list with 55 terms from a 350 page glossary of literary terms. How can I possibly make this?

Because I am nothing short of extraordinary, that is how.

Don't regret your life, child. It will pass soon enough.

Metafiction can go SUCK it

Please don't talk to me I fall in love so easily

The weather is really nice, the sun is shining, the temperature is warm but not too warm, there is a little bit of wind and it's a perfect day for a stroll in the park or a BBQ.

But I'm stuck inside studying!

I brought it on my self. Yesterday was Vivian's birthday and we decided to spend it in denial, doing everything but revising for our exams. After she went to bed on Sunday night I baked a cake, decorated the kitchen with balloons and set the table with her presents and birthday cups and plates. We had breakfast at 11.30 the next morning, and proceeded with watching some episodes of Extras (David Bowie for the fucking WIN) and other random crap. Vivian's dad was in town, and after making dinner plans with him we watched Billy Elliott while eating crisps and laying in my bed. Good times. We went to the Chinese restaurant we always order from, but both of us were full from the crisps and soda, so we couldn't eat that much. We finished off the evening by watching Pirate's of the Caribbean 3, which was better than I expected. I liked it a lot more than I liked the second movie (merely a shadow of the first), and the multiple Jack Sparrows running around didn't hurt either. Instead of being responsible adults and going to bed when we came back we spent a few hours between the covers and pillows in my bed, watching crappy TV shows and eating Vivian's favorite 7/11 snack: Pink doughnuts.

English Tea

I am moving out of here for good in less than 2 weeks and it's making me more and more sad. I am not just going to miss Vivian like crazy, but this freedom and all the opportunities that comes from living in a larger city than Bodø. It is not that bad back home, but it is worse than this place, and now that I am moving I feel like I have thrown away all my chances and that I have pretty much blown this whole year. Ah, I think the best idea is to just not think about it right now and go back to my termlist, textbook and 7 works of fiction I need to get through before 9 am tomorrow morning.

When you're on your own
When you're at a fork in the road
You don't know which way to go
There's too many signs and arrows
You haven't laughed in a while
When you can't even fake a smile
When you feel ashamed
The uniform don't make you brave

All I can do is love you to pieces
Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it
When the day is long and the night is coming down on you
All I can do

Monday, 21 May 2007

For old times..

I wanted to just show this off

I remember this pretty well. Not that it is very old, but yeah, it's really funny. Those silly Danish people..


Happiness is silent, or speaks equivocally for friends,
Grief is explicit and her song never ends,
Happiness is like England, and will not state a case,
Grief, like Guilt, rushes in and talks apace.

Stevie Smith

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

My mother called me Silver. I was born part precious metal part pirate.


"I have no father. There's nothing unusual about that, even children who do have fathers are often surprised to see them. My own father came out of the sea and went back that way. He was crew on a fishing boat that harboured with us one night when the waves were crashing like dark glass. His splinted hull shored him for long enough to drop anchor inside my mother.
Shoals of babies vied for life.
I won."
-Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping

That was taken from the opening of the book I am currently reading. It's on my curriculum. Vivian has read it and says it's the best work on the list, except maybe "The yellow wall-paper", which was a short story I enjoyed quite a lot my self. We have a lot of female writers, and I enjoy that.

My head hurts and I'm lonely. The summer seems so far away with all the rain outside, and one part of me feels sad about that and the other one is comforted. I don't like my life right now, other than living with someone I like living with in a rather nice apartment I am not happy, but at the same time I am scared of the summer. I am scared I'll be even lonelier, and if I end up that way I wont even have Vivian to bother. I'll be pretty much by my self in a house that is way too big for one person. Last summer I spent over three weeks living there without my parents, and at times it got lonely at night. If Hannes ends up standing me up I don't predict a better outcome for this summer.

But you have to stay positive, I guess. It's almost our independence day and I'll be spending it with Vivian, barbecuing if the weather allows. No matter what I'll be eating a bunch of popsicles, as the tradition requires. I wont be wearing my traditional dress, but whatever, that thing is such a drag to put on anyway.

I cannot believe I am actually going home in a few weeks. It's going to be so weird, because I am actually moving there for the time being. And unless I move out with Hannes, there's a 50/50 chance I might just stay and work, at least until September, and that is 4 very long months. Then I'll have to move out on my own, God knows where. That is certainly not the only reason I hope Hannes wont screw me over and change all of our plans, but it's one of them, moving out on my own without even a school to go to is pretty overwhelming. I guess I could pick up some of my stuff and go on a world tour all by my self, but that also sounds like asking for trouble. Knowing my self I'd end up screwing something up, with no safety net to fall back on and no one to help me out.

Sunday, 13 May 2007

Girl, Interrupted

The Only Moment We Were Alone

This is definitely not a good day for me. I'm not sure what I feel, but it's not a good feeling, even if it's disturbingly familiar. I woke up with this feeling, I went to the bathroom and splashed water in my face with this feeling, I said hello to Vivian with this feeling. I kind of want to take a walk, but for some reason I have a feeling it will only make matters worse.

I want to be familiar with my self. I want to know how I will feel when I wake up in the morning. I want to know what my reactions to different situations will be, I don't want to be my own stranger. But then again, so does the rest of the world. Whatever we do, whatever we feel, we are not alone. We will never be alone. And as comforting as that might sound to some, it's also an incredibly depressing thought to deal with when you're in the middle of trying to find your self. Because no matter what you do, no matter what you think, there'll always be someone who's just about the same as you, just better.

At the moment, I feel like someone has knocked me over in the process of dragging the rug underneath me away. I'm holding on to it with claws and teeth, but all I end up doing is destroying it while it slips away. Why can't I be better? Why can't I just let it go and hope that something new and better will replace it in the future? Why can't I just be happy? For all of life's beautiful things, there is enough shit to cover it twice - I'm just making it even more difficult for my self. But I don't believe in fate, I believe in working towards what I want. The fact that am incredibly destructive in my behavior goes against all that - in fact it seems that instead of fighting for things I just wreck them until nothing is left, and it's actually fate that holds what I care about together. It's a very confusing scenario, I'll tell you that.

Whatever, whatever, I'll just follow the stream and see where life leads me.

Friday, 11 May 2007

Here comes the sun

Everybody's happy nowadays

So today some odd people came and took a look at our apartment. It was pretty weird, they didn't seem deserving enough to live here, but at the same time it sucked to have my personal space invaded like that so I hope they take it. That way we will not have to do it again, and also I might have to pay only half of the rent for June, after all we'll be staying here for about 10 days or so..

Watching the Eurovision Song Contest obviously sucked ass, since we didn't qualify and, well, our song was incredibly, incredibly lame. I'm also sad that DJ Bobo and his mannequin vampires didn't move on, nor those.. incredibly lame Blink 182 rip-off kids from Andorra. Having someone sing in Catalan should have qualified them alone, besides they made me laugh. Luckily the Turkish dude came through and got a spot, we called him "The little man with the bow-tie". It's a given that we'll be watching the proper show on Saturday, but I foresee a lot of very bitter booing. I don't know what it is, I've only liked about a handful of the Norwegian entires (and I've been watching since I was a little girl), but there's nothing like the national pride that makes me shout and scream when we're nearing the end of the voting. Hannes knows how this works, he was with me when Norway won the World Idol contest, HAHA THAT WAS FUNNY! I'm also quite sure Renate knows what I am talking about, as I've spent quite a few of the Eurovision finals with her.

I finished even more mail yesterday, while watching some lame movie online. I have 7 letters/packages that I need to send off, and it's gonna cost me. As I know I have a job when I get back I might ask my mother for a small loan; I'd like not to have to spend my last few weeks here eating noodles and not doing things. I am not sure how that will fly, but let us all hope for a positive outcome.

Oh, and btw, Lano Mix/Mix for May 2007 has been completed. I usually make a mix each month, but this month has been a bit different because I had to finish it before the end of the month, hence the alternative name. I've never published it though, but now I will, and here you go: (Please don't rip on me for the poor choices, this is a somewhat a completely random collection of songs I've been listening to lately..)

1. The Cops - Cop Pop
2. Y.A.C.H.T. - See a penny (Pick it up)
3. Sondre Lerche - Phantom Punch
4. The Beatles - Her Majesty
5. Page France - Me, Violin and Dancing bear
6. José González - Hand on your heart
7. Rufus Wainwright - Going to a town
8. Elliott Smith - All cleaned out
9. Albert Hammond, Jr. - Bright young thing
10. Nina Simone - Here comes the sun
11. Novi Split - California skies
12. The Bluetones - Nae Hair On't
13. Sarah Blasko - Planet new year
14. Belles Will Ring - It's only goodbye
15. Charles Wright - Express yourself
16. Tobias Froberg - What Goes around (Yes, this is a Justin Timberlake cover)
17. Hot Chip - My Piano
18. Travis - Battleships
19. Butterfly Boucher - A beautiful book
20. Mystery Jets - You can't fool me Dennis

I might try to find a way to upload it, but I kind of doubt anyone wants to download it, since 2 people read this blog and neither of them share my musical taste enough to really appreciate it anyway. Yep. And with that I shall sign off.. and not sleep, because that will never happen.

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

Sky Blue Sky

I don't mean to get high

Some interesting and mellow releases this month; including Travis' "The Boy With No Name" And Wilco's "Sky Blue Sky". I've gotten my hands on a couple of tracks from both albums, and I have got to say I am liking it, at least considering the genre.

With a sky blue sky
This rotten time
Wouldn’t seem so bad to me now
Oh, I didn’t die
I should be satisfied
I survived
That's good enough for now

I cannot hold on to the fact that I will be moving out of this apartment in about a month. It has been a year filled with joy, sadness and a lot of anger. Vivian couldn't have been a better room mate, and although this has basically been a social experiment with us not getting any other friends I have felt lonely surprisingly seldom. I am really going to miss her, and when she's off to New Zealand in January 2008 I know I'll feel both proud, happy and a little bit sad. It's slightly harder to pop in for a visit when the person lives on the other side of the world.

Living with someone who has enough control over their life to know what they'll be doing in a year's time obviously gets you thinking. What the hell will I be doing next year around this time? In my heart I'm hoping I will be living with Hannes, but I cannot say that I don't see that projection as somewhat doubtful, considering our past and even our present. I am not quite sure where he stands, I know what I want and I know what I want to happen, and even if he says that is what he wants as well I cannot help but to have doubts, which I feel ok with knowing that if he does stand me up again I cannot allow my self to get completely crushed; after all I thought it might happen. A horrible outlook on life, but come on, I'm dealing with a shady Swede. To brighten this up a bit I shall now post a video for one of the new Travis songs, definitely worth a watch. That's a hell of a lot of t-shirts, yo!

I have 11 books to get through, but this time I will make it. Quite a lot of it is tedious fiction (Reading "Wuthering Heights" again is not something I can say I am looking forward to) but when it comes down to it the material is quite interesting. After getting a green (and a very green at that) light on my essay I know I will sit all my remaining exams, and now I feel prepared to kick ass this last month living at Teh Starship. I can do it, I can win at life once again.

I love you kids, even if you really suck at commenting.

Tuesday, 1 May 2007

Again and again

I hate Camera

Say my name, say my name, say my stupid name
It's stupid how we always seem to do it again, oh

You're so stupid and perfect
And stupid and perfect
I hate you, I want you
I hate you, I hate you, oh
Again, again, again, again

La, la, la
Again and again and again
Do it again
Do it again

It is incredible how the human mind works, confusing the hell out of us until we are down on our knees begging for it to stop. Some of us reach an age of one hundred years, but we still cannot figure out how to do this properly. For generations we are born, raised, we breed and then die, but still no one can think of a perfect recipe to make life worth that extra mile we have to travel every day. At least that is how I look at it. It seems like such a drag, and the only real reason for going on is because we honestly do not know any better, and death is such a big and scary deal. I am not suggesting that we all go kill our selves, but surely, there must be a way to maximize the experience! It is so true what they say, we only have one life, some of us shorter than others. Yet we waste our time doing boring and pointless crap, trying to fit in with the rest of the world. Why do we have the ability to take things for granted? Why do we always learn to stop looking at the beautiful flowers and turn to generic plastic objects that make our life easier instead? Why do we even want life to be easy, isn't the struggle part of the thrill? Whatever it is, I cannot figure it out.

That didn't even make sense, but I'm so beyond the point of caring that I could throw up.