Thursday, 28 June 2007

What The Sea Wants The Sea Will Have

Better Half

I can't believe I am sitting here eating breakfast. It's so fucking early and last night it was hard to fall asleep because of a beating headache and the cutest boy ever laying next to me, stroking my back. Don't get me wrong; I loved the latter part, but it is really hard to get out of bed when he is in it, and sometimes even harder to fall asleep. I'm so happy I am only working half a day tomorrow, and I have a whole day off on Saturday. I really don't know how much longer I could have kept this up without any decent sleep.

I don't really have anything to write about; but then again that has never stopped me before. I guess I shouldn't write; I am kind of dizzy, and sitting in front of the computer before I have to isn't the best recipe for a good day. I really like my job at Crestock, but when your head aches it's kind of a torture. I never get head aches though, I guess that's why I don't handle them better. And for more happy news; We rented out absolutely all the cabins while I was in the reception last night, so there is plenty to clean. Oh, yay.

I think I am gonna go pack my bed and sneak down under the blanket with Hannes for the remaining half hour. Oh, look at that, I actually wrote "pack my bed". Fun times.

Monday, 25 June 2007

You say Party! We say die!

Get what you deserve

I'm kind of sick of working, and I've only done a week and a half of it. It is going to help when Hannes gets here on Wednesday, but at the same time I think I will feel a bit guilty because I'm away all the time. Hopefully he'll get a job with a schedule similar to mine.

In other news; we're going to Thailand. For three weeks over Christmas. It will be my first Christmas away since I was tiny, and even then I just went to my grandparents. Hannes might come as well, he has until Thursday to decide.

I'm exhausted, but Christine and Hege are coming over in half an hour. OhmeOhmy.

Here's looking at you, kid! <3

Thursday, 14 June 2007

When you wake for certain


Lavender Diamond has such a melancholy in her voice that it will sometimes break your heart. I like the album "Imagine our love", although sometimes it gets too much and I have to shut her music off.

To the left you can see my new shirt, it says "We found a map to candy mountain" from the youtube video that has been roaming the Shinra IRC chat for a while. I'm totally a pink unicorn, deal with it.

Random randomness to randomness: I'm making dinner today. Spaghetti.. but I don't like minced meat in my sauce, and when I told my dad that if he wants me to make dinner I'll make it in my own way he yelled at me and told me that the meat is the actual "food". Vegetarians all over the world will lynch him. I guess I'll make his stupid meat on the side, so I don't have to deal with it. Hah, take that one, screaming dad.

Wow, the substance of this post is breathtaking.

Uhm, total random link:

What's your least favorite website? Well, no matter, now you can shoot it until it bleeds! BLEEDS, I SAY, BLEEEEEEEEEDS!

Yay for blood.

This guy wears a webcam 24/7. I'm glad I haven't watched him go to the bathroom. Right now he's laying in his bed sleeping, looking very.. pale.

My room is a mess. Stupid room.

Wednesday, 13 June 2007

Take A Walk Around The Table

Strange Things Are Happening

I feel kind of like someone punched me in the stomach, and when I tried to regain my breath I did not succeed. It is a weird kind of feeling, I wouldn't call it all bad, just.. different. But at the same time I feel like there's a heavy weight on my chest, so you could say that is bad. All together.. I feel pretty lousy.

I am going to start my trial job next monday, and my old boss just texted me from Paris and told me he'll be back tomorrow to plan out what we should do about my other job. I also sorted out my troubles with the IRS, I phoned them up and a very helpful man told me what to do. Chivalry is not completely dead, just kind of paralyzed. I am happy about that, I hate calling people I don't know up.

Hege just left my house. We have been hanging out since she got off from work, and it was quite nice to see her again. Ever since I got back here I have felt lonely and isolated, but after all I do have her and a couple of other friends around. I just suck at staying in touch with them when I am away.

Jenny Owen Youngs - Fuck was I

I want Hannes to pick up his phone. We had a rather strange conversation last night where I spent most of the time crying and he spent a lot of time trying to make me stop. It sounds really bad, but it was actually kind of cute and it made me feel a hell of a lot better than I have been feeling lately. He's the sunshine of my life, even when he's a big black cloud on the sky. Haha, that makes no sense.

I really should unpack some boxes, but it is just so goddammed boring. I don't even have room for everything, I am going to have to prove quite a few laws of nature wrong to fit all my stuff into my new room. It doesn't even make sense - when did I get more stuff, really? I have been broke ass all year!

Ohwell, fight the lano guys, fight the lano.

Thursday, 7 June 2007

More heat than light

Absolutely nothing

"Home is where the heart is, but your heart had to roam".

I want to be someone's person again.

You could claim I'm Hannes' person, but at the moment I feel like I'm anything but just that. We haven't spoken on the phone for almost 5 weeks, I haven't seen him since Easter and it's been 3 days since I even got a text message from him.

This will be another one of those posts, yes.

I just feel so unbelievably lonely sometimes. I'm not sure what is more heartbreaking: missing someone like this, or realizing more and more that the chances for that person missing you as much are nearing nothing more and more every day that passes. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Has he cheated on me? Has he fallen out of love? Or, even worse, does he just not care anymore? I do not know - I do not even know how to find out.

I realize that I am a very intense person. Either I love or hate something, and when I get a liking to something chances are I'll become slightly obsessed with it. Just imagine how I feel about someone who's been a close friend of mine for 6 years and who's been my lover for 4 and a half. It was bound to happen, I knew that, but he made it feel safe in the beginning, like it did not matter how insanely attached I got, because he would be there for me always.

And the lips, they still say the words.. but it's like the eyes do not agree.

I'm a hopeless romantic who needs to clean her kitchen and bedroom before her grand aunt is coming for a 5 minute visit in about 6 hours. Sleep is for the weak.

Monday, 4 June 2007

The only place I can look is down

It's only time

I did it again. Less than 24 hours to go before my next exam, and I wish I was sleeping. I plan not to sleep tonight, so sleeping to like... 5-6 is probably a hell of a lot smarter than sleeping really badly until 1 pm. Argh.

I have a lot to get through today, About 850 pages of information I haven't read before. Haha, I'm a fucking moron. Please, if some divine being could please give me a photographic memory right about now I would really really appreciate it. Haha.

Yeah, didn't think so..

Why would I stop loving you
a hundred years from now?
It's only time.
It's only time.

What could stop this beating heart
once it's made a vow?
It's only time.
It's only time.

If rain won't change your mind,
let it fall.
The rain won't change my heart
at all.

Lock this chain
around my hand,
throw away the key.
It's only time.
It's only time.

Years falling
like grains of sand
mean nothing to me.
It's only time.
It's only time.

If snow won't change your mind
let it fall.
The snow won't change my heart,
not at all.

(I'll walk your lands)
I'll walk your lands
(And swim your sea)
And swim your sea

Marry me.
Marry me.

(Then in your hands)
Then in your hands
(I will be free)
I will be free

Marry me.
Marry me.

Why would I stop loving you
a hundred years from now?