Sunday, 22 April 2007

Tears for affairs

Blow him back into my arms

I pray the wind will blow.

It's a strange kind of sentimental feeling you get when you see your life crashing down before your eyes, not even in a position to stop it. And the things you can change, they seem so stupid and pointless and depressing that you can barely manage to even try.

Am I losing you? And you? And you, and you and you? Am I losing everything? Am I losing my mind, am I going to completely change my future because I cannot go through with whatever is in fact needed of me? I have got this tendency to just ignore things, pretend the problems are not there in order not to sink back into whatever dump I was in last fall. Because I honestly think that if I went back to that, I would surely die. But pretending nothing is wrong and ignoring the much needed solutions is just going to make things worse, and I'll have even more to deal with once life catches up with me. In fact, then I will have real problems to deal with instead of just trying to find a way out of situations that I could have avoided but did not. I guess I am so scared of failing that I do not even bother trying. But then again, that is classic Kari behavior.

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