Wednesday, 16 May 2007

My mother called me Silver. I was born part precious metal part pirate.


"I have no father. There's nothing unusual about that, even children who do have fathers are often surprised to see them. My own father came out of the sea and went back that way. He was crew on a fishing boat that harboured with us one night when the waves were crashing like dark glass. His splinted hull shored him for long enough to drop anchor inside my mother.
Shoals of babies vied for life.
I won."
-Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping

That was taken from the opening of the book I am currently reading. It's on my curriculum. Vivian has read it and says it's the best work on the list, except maybe "The yellow wall-paper", which was a short story I enjoyed quite a lot my self. We have a lot of female writers, and I enjoy that.

My head hurts and I'm lonely. The summer seems so far away with all the rain outside, and one part of me feels sad about that and the other one is comforted. I don't like my life right now, other than living with someone I like living with in a rather nice apartment I am not happy, but at the same time I am scared of the summer. I am scared I'll be even lonelier, and if I end up that way I wont even have Vivian to bother. I'll be pretty much by my self in a house that is way too big for one person. Last summer I spent over three weeks living there without my parents, and at times it got lonely at night. If Hannes ends up standing me up I don't predict a better outcome for this summer.

But you have to stay positive, I guess. It's almost our independence day and I'll be spending it with Vivian, barbecuing if the weather allows. No matter what I'll be eating a bunch of popsicles, as the tradition requires. I wont be wearing my traditional dress, but whatever, that thing is such a drag to put on anyway.

I cannot believe I am actually going home in a few weeks. It's going to be so weird, because I am actually moving there for the time being. And unless I move out with Hannes, there's a 50/50 chance I might just stay and work, at least until September, and that is 4 very long months. Then I'll have to move out on my own, God knows where. That is certainly not the only reason I hope Hannes wont screw me over and change all of our plans, but it's one of them, moving out on my own without even a school to go to is pretty overwhelming. I guess I could pick up some of my stuff and go on a world tour all by my self, but that also sounds like asking for trouble. Knowing my self I'd end up screwing something up, with no safety net to fall back on and no one to help me out.

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