Thursday, 7 June 2007

More heat than light

Absolutely nothing

"Home is where the heart is, but your heart had to roam".

I want to be someone's person again.

You could claim I'm Hannes' person, but at the moment I feel like I'm anything but just that. We haven't spoken on the phone for almost 5 weeks, I haven't seen him since Easter and it's been 3 days since I even got a text message from him.

This will be another one of those posts, yes.

I just feel so unbelievably lonely sometimes. I'm not sure what is more heartbreaking: missing someone like this, or realizing more and more that the chances for that person missing you as much are nearing nothing more and more every day that passes. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Has he cheated on me? Has he fallen out of love? Or, even worse, does he just not care anymore? I do not know - I do not even know how to find out.

I realize that I am a very intense person. Either I love or hate something, and when I get a liking to something chances are I'll become slightly obsessed with it. Just imagine how I feel about someone who's been a close friend of mine for 6 years and who's been my lover for 4 and a half. It was bound to happen, I knew that, but he made it feel safe in the beginning, like it did not matter how insanely attached I got, because he would be there for me always.

And the lips, they still say the words.. but it's like the eyes do not agree.

I'm a hopeless romantic who needs to clean her kitchen and bedroom before her grand aunt is coming for a 5 minute visit in about 6 hours. Sleep is for the weak.

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