Thursday, 19 April 2007

Dump for broken dreams

Almost crimes

I swear, this assignment will be the death of me. Alright, maybe not. No, this is not going to turn into one of those whiny entries, but really, I gotta get this off my chest: I don't wanna do this. I wanna start studying for my exams and go outside. But wait, what's outside?


Yes, bloody snow. Snow in April isn't that uncommon, at least not where I come from, but here it is pretty shocking. A few days ago I was making plans with Vivian to have a BBQ and take trips and do all kinds of nice outdoorsy activities. We even bough popsicles to put in the freezer, and now we've been cheated of this as well!

Our lives are rather monotone as of now, or perhaps that is what they are not, that is what they should be. Last night we suddenly got the urge to be terribly irresponsible and waste all of our time watching 8 episodes of LOST. We both have quite amazing persuasive skills, but then again the people we are trying to persuade (our selves) are not resisting it one bit.

I cannot tell you why I smile

So LOST was quite exciting, but it obviously bothers me that it was the highlight of my day. I had a little contact with Hannes, but my worries and fears kind of polluted that and he pretty much ended up never replying to a rather awful text message I wrote. I do not know why I get like that, I guess part of me still blames him, and some of my problems right now are still based around him and what he does (and does not do). It is really something I should try to stop doing, as my mother says; it's impossible to change anyone but your self - but sometimes things just feel so bloody unfair and it is pretty much because of something he has done. I am no saint, I do stupid things all the time, but I really do try to learn from my own mistakes.

I love how I communicate with Vivian, we have our own way of talking to each other, making life a little easier and a bit more fun. It is not the language, even if it is a lot of fun it doesn't make that big of a difference, it is just the way we pay attention to each other and the way we take interest. We do have a bad influence on each other, but in some way we manage anyway. It is going to be quite sad to leave her and this apartment, it really has become worthy of it's name "The Starship".

All systems red

What bothers me the most about this assignment, and the course in general, is that it is kind of up my alley. I am quite interested in language, and even though grammar has never been my strong suit, it does interest me. I think my brain has some kind of chip in it, making me lose interest in things that I need to do, starting to focus on things I really do not need to do. It is bloody annoying, that is what it is, but all you can do about it is suck it up and do whatever you do not feel like doing.

I guess I really need to try to work now. I walked over to my desk and got my book earlier, but to be honest I have only opened it to take pictures of my self flipping it off. Hell yes, I am a bad, bad girl. Someone should definitely punish me.

In all seriousness; I will do this, and I will do it well. Then I will sleep, get up again and do more work. I'll repeat that twice and on Monday I shall turn in an assignment I am proud of. And then I shall start working on the essay I have to write before the 30th, and I'll manage that as well. Because that's what you do in life.

You manage.

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