Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Snakes in the Grass

It's just a ride

Apart from the parental unit and a very hyperactive dog, I am actually home alone. Hannes left really early this morning, Renate and Oliver moved to Renate's house last night (and he just left here about half an hour ago - my parents gave him a ride into town) and I do not feel at all like I expected to feel. I miss Hannes a lot more than I thought I would - but then again I cannot actually bring my self to believe he is coming back this time - and loving him makes that a very confusing thing. I spent a lot of time being angry and upset with him, but at the same time there is this feeling of happiness that you just cannot escape when you see someone you love as much as I love him. It is almost as if I wanted to be more depressed, wanted to be more frustrated with him. Ah, I do not know how to explain it, and it seems so pointless to even try.

I am not sure what to do next. I know what I want him to do, and I know what he wants me to do. I wish it was the same thing, but it isn't. I guess we'll talk more about it if/when he comes back here on the 3rd.

I have a lot of Crestock work piled up and I am working reception between 4 and 11, so I guess I should cut this short and write some other time. I wish I didn't feel so lonely, it is like missing your right arm.

Someone make my last.fm scrobbler work.

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