I shouldn't write this here

I am doing it anyway.

I don't know what to do. Inner turmoil is the best description for my feelings right now. I'm all over the place, emotions raging, cries yelped, tears floating all over the place.

I don't know what to do.

There's no one to talk to, nothing to say, the only thing I can do is sit here and shake a little, punch the table, try to breathe, try not to suffocate, try not to run far far away.

But that's what I want. I want to run so far away that I don't know where I am, or how to get back. I want to escape, where no one can reach me and I'm not my self. I don't want to be me, I don't want my own feelings.

"Even I am not that mean. I wouldn't leave when I say I'm not."

Turns out, honeypie, you probably are.

What's that crap about better to have loved than not? Augustine, fucking crap. Fucking crap, crap, crap. I'm not feeling this, this is not happening to me. Something like this shouldn't be swallowing me whole, am I not more of a person than that?

No. Pathetic piece of shit.