Yay!

Hege and kari has gotten over their tequila angst! Party on!

Yep

Going out.. In public! Omg.

Pusi

All pretty like woha!

Edit from computer: MORE IRONY! This photo was taken by MY camera, before I sent it to Hege's phone, and THEN she sent it to MY phone, and I sent it from my phone to my blog, which is probably the silliest thing ever because I already have this image in my blog AND on my computer.

Ahwell.

Lanophone

Hahahaha.

Edit from computer: Ironically this photo was not taken with my phone camera, but with Hege's, quite some time ago. But anyway, this was my first visit to the world of lano photos sent to the internet from phones, which is incredibly silly and pointless in most cases. Especially this one. GO ME.

A Cold Wind Will Blow Through Your Door

When I Hated Him (Don't Tell Me)

It's been forever, hasn't it? I don't know why I stopped writing, or I sort of do, but I don't feel like explaining. Ah, it's the story of my life.

I don't want to explain.

I'm not having the best of days. I'm worried, and I'm moody, and I'm lonely and I'm cold. It's cold outside, but not the right kind of cold, not the pretty kind of cold, just the annoying kind, the kind no one really care for. It doesn't even feel good to be indoors next to a warm fireplace; the outside is all stressed out and all over the place. So you feel stressed out and all over the place, and you just want the weather to settle down. You want to settle down too.

I want a giant turtle plushie. So big it could cover all me, I'm sure it could console me, even if just a little. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HOLD ME TIGHT! (is it really that much to ask?)

I've been planning this entry for like a month, and then when I finally sit down to write it I cannot think of a single thing to write.

How depressing.

When pigs fly

An old fashioned love song

http://www.demonbaby.com/blog/2007/10/when-pigs-fly-death-of-oink-birth-of.html

Just felt like sharing this article with you all. While it is fairly long and the format isn't that user friendly it's a really good read, and I have to say that I agree with just about the entire article. It's a good read; so, well.. read it.

Also, go Trent:

What do you think about OiNK being shut down?
Trent: I'll admit I had an account there and frequented it quite often. At the end of the day, what made OiNK a great place was that it was like the world's greatest record store. Pretty much anything you could ever imagine, it was there, and it was there in the format you wanted. If OiNK cost anything, I would certainly have paid, but there isn't the equivalent of that in the retail space right now. iTunes kind of feels like Sam Goody to me. I don't feel cool when I go there. I'm tired of seeing John Mayer's face pop up. I feel like I'm being hustled when I visit there, and I don't think their product is that great. DRM, low bit rate, etc. Amazon has potential, but none of them get around the issue of pre-release leaks. And that's what's such a difficult puzzle at the moment. If your favorite band in the world has a leaked record out, do you listen to it or do you not listen to it? People on those boards, they're grateful for the person that uploaded it — they're the hero. They're not stealing it because they're going to make money off of it; they're stealing it because they love the band. I'm not saying that I think OiNK is morally correct, but I do know that it existed because it filled a void of what people want.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2007/10/trent_reznor_and_saul_williams.html

So long, and thanks for all the fish

Fuck was I

Love grows in me like a tumor,
parasites bent on devouring its host.
I'm developing my sense of humor,
till I can laugh at my heart between your teeth,
till I can laugh at my face beneath your feet.

Skillet on the stove is such a temptation,
maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesnt get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love plows through me like a dozer,
I've got more give than a bale of hay,
and there's always a big mess left over.
What did you do?
What did you say?

Skillet on the stove is such a temptation,
maybe I'll be the special one that doesnt get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love tears me up like a demon.
Opens the wounds and fills them with lead,
and I'm having some trouble just breathing.

If we werent such good friends I think that I'd hate you.
If we weren't such good friends I'd wish you were dead

Oh it's so embarrasing
I'm this awkward and uncomprable thing,
and I'm running out of places to hide

Unexpected Obstacles

Who Are You, Defenders Of The Universe?

I don't actually have anything to write about, I just feel like jotting something down. I am having serious problems concentrating, and it's taking a toll on my work. Shape up or ship out, like they say, it's getting to a point where it is now or never.

Ohwell, hopefully I can get better. I have to, right?

Hopefully.

I cannot keep down any food, I feel dizzy and disoriented, and I feel it is all justified because yesterday I made a comment about how I haven't really been sick in like half a year. Which is actually not true, I did have a weekend like this about 2 months ago or so. Hannes was here, he was sweet and helpful.. ugh, just.. don't think about it.

This is where it stops, before I start whining even more.

Crawling towards the sun

One of these things first

I have been ordered to write - I am writing. Hey, what's going on with you people? Personally I feel slightly dizzy and out of it; I've been working hard lately, so I decided that the arrival of a Friday meant that I would play hard too. It was fun, but the fruits I reaped aren't so sweet anymore. In a lot less complicated way of saying it I have a hang over.

Come and get me, boys.

Billy Ray Cyrus explains my feelings quite well in the song "Achy Breaky Heart":

But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man

You know you feel bad, but you do not want to admit it to your self. I guess what I went through this summer has left my emotions worried. They do not want to listen, they do not want to come out of their shell. I spent days in bed, not being able to do anything but cry, and now that things are.. so unbelievably and ridiculously frustrating and depressing and I am going nowhere I rarely ever feel a thing? I will always love you, Hannes, no matter what you do to me, but if you take my feelings I might hate you forever too.

It is just so beyond my grasp and understanding that someone who claims you are the love of their life can actually ignore you for days, weeks, like you are no one to them.

But enough about my stupid boy troubles.

My camera is full of photos I do NOT remember taking! Granted, I remember being there, and doing .. most of the things featured on them, but the fact that there are so many photos I do not even remember taking or that someone took kind of disturbs me. Ohmy. I went out with Susanne, who has yet to turn 20, so it was kind of limited where we could go. We met some funny people though, watched almost an entire movie (The Heartbreak Kid - it was a bad movie even to watch while drunk, which means it's a horrible movie to watch while sober), went bowling, ate at Subways, ran around, sat on the street and talked about how guys are fucking complicated and in the end one of Susanne's countless fans drove us both home. I actually managed to spill water all over my desk and fall asleep with my laptop in bed. In other words; a good night.

Today I am going to slow down considerably and do absolutely nothing. Yay.

I really want one of these:
http://www.wishingfish.com/610574.html
But they don't ship to Norway, so they can go suck it.

Now listen to Nouvelle Vague - I Melt with you. Goddammit.

Beat up the clowns!

Fluorescent Adolescent

How about.. how about I write an entry ignoring everything that really matters to me and pretend like the world is a happy-go-lucky place, catering to my wants and drugging me silly, happy, docile?

Yes, I do believe I will do just that. Now..

PILOT SEASON IS UPON US!

And my, what a turnout we have this year. I haven't been able to follow it quite as closely before, so this is a new experience for me, but the diversity, the high level of crap and the awesomeness actually surprised me. I'm totally in love with Pushing Daisies, it's rainbow sparkled murder-mystery-heartbreak thrown together to one strange package. The kind that makes you squirm and smile, but at the same time breaks your heart because you feel so alone when you watch it.

..yeah, this isn't gonna work.

I have lost my train of thought. I am incapable of writing anything right now, and it really irks me, because I feel the tingle in my fingertips, I feel the need to pour my thoughts (silly as they might be) out on this digital piece of paper.

My father tells me I should try to write a book, my mother makes me see people who will tell me what I should do with my life, me, I'm just trying to survive it all. And despite of everything; I miss your smell most of all.

The Devil Never Sleeps

Hand on your heart

One Two Three Four
Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless, long nights
That was what my youth was for

OLD teenage hopes are ALIVE at your door
Left you with nothing
But they want some more

Oh, oh, oh
You're changing your heart
Oh, oh, oh
You know who you are

Sweetheart, bitter heart
Now I can't tell you apart
Cozy and cold
Put the horse before the cart

Those teenage hopes
Who have tears in their eyes
Too scared to own up
To one little lie

Oh, oh, oh
You're changing your heart
Oh, oh, oh
You know who you are

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, and ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, and ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

Oh, oh, oh
You're changing your heart
Oh, oh, oh
You know who you are
Oh, oh, oh
You're changing your heart
Oh, oh, oh
You know who you are

Om Du Lämnade Mig Nu

I haven't listened to music in more than a week

That's how terrible I'm feeling.

But I'll try to be better.

I promise.

Why do I still make my bed for two?

I'm struggling

Trying to keep my head over surface level so I will not drown is hard.

Very hard.

You try to keep busy doing things. But then those things make it harder. You think "Oh, I wish I could tell... oh". You think "Well, maybe I just have to keep my self busy and then the only problem is the moment when I go to sleep and when I wake up when all the world is around you but you still feel lonely down to the core", but then you realize you feel lonely down to the core right there on that bus and you miss him so much you just want to scream.

I feel like I know what is going to happen. Everything points towards a very sad and lonely route, and I am doing everything to avoid it. I want to avoid it, I want it more than anything. But I'm not driving, I'm not even in the passenger seat, I'm being dragged by chains from the back of the truck. I can't even untie them right now, there is nothing I can do but sit here and wait for what feels like an execution. Oh my God, I'm such a drama queen.

But even if he's hurt me, even if he's ignoring me right now for God knows what reason, I love him. He's my better (and kind of worse) half, he makes me want to accomplish things, he gives me a reason to get up in the morning. And not even being able to reach him to say "I miss you" is dragging me apart. I'd put everything aside just to get to talk to him right now, his voice provides me with more comfort than anything else in the world.

Maybe I make my bed for two because it's made for two. Or maybe it's because I'm delusional and I think he'll walk in the door tomorrow.

I would give the sun and the moon for a hug from you right about now.

I shouldn't write this here

I am doing it anyway.

I don't know what to do. Inner turmoil is the best description for my feelings right now. I'm all over the place, emotions raging, cries yelped, tears floating all over the place.

I don't know what to do.

There's no one to talk to, nothing to say, the only thing I can do is sit here and shake a little, punch the table, try to breathe, try not to suffocate, try not to run far far away.

But that's what I want. I want to run so far away that I don't know where I am, or how to get back. I want to escape, where no one can reach me and I'm not my self. I don't want to be me, I don't want my own feelings.

"Even I am not that mean. I wouldn't leave when I say I'm not."

Turns out, honeypie, you probably are.

What's that crap about better to have loved than not? Augustine, fucking crap. Fucking crap, crap, crap. I'm not feeling this, this is not happening to me. Something like this shouldn't be swallowing me whole, am I not more of a person than that?

No. Pathetic piece of shit.

You say I must eat so many lemons..

..cus I am so bitter.

HUIIII, hvor det går.

Famous last words, I guess. Or, you wish they were. You all wish they were your famous last words because that would mean you died in a crazy rollercoaster ride, throwing your self off a plane or doing some other crazy high risk sport. But most of us die in hospitals, sick, elderly, even demented. It's sad. We keep avoiding death until we have reached the same stage we were as babies. Life goes from very low, to very high, but for some reason we all think that going back lower than we even were when we were infants is something to be longed after. Live forever, I guess.

A horrible concept, really; I want to be old, that's not it at all. But I want to be old and sane, I want to be old and enjoying the winter of my life. HAHA, what utter bullshit. Full of it today, I guess.

http://www.fabulist.org/

Having been a pretty steady reader of it for a while, I must say that the fabulist! still surprises me. It's a dangerous read (I found my self getting stuff from etsy a few times after reading it), but completely worth it. I'm a little mad at her for not spelling Jens Lekman's name right in her "The Beginning Of A Dawning Of A Brand New Day Mix", but hey, these things happen. Lerkman is a pretty cool name anyway.

I got my first textmessage from Hannes since like... June yesterday. Oh, how fun. Now he can go back to not picking up his cell phone instead of his home phone. <3

You do what you love and fuck the rest

A million middle fingers

For once, I would like to write an update that actually contained something. I'm not even talking about anything worthwhile; I just want to be able to say whatever. But I cannot, something is holding me back, and even if I could think of what it is, I wouldn't be able to put it down here.

I'm scared, I am terrified, there are no more chances left to give, and this is the end of the line. What the hell is going to happen? Good things, I hope, but at the same time all the good things have turned sour, they do not compare, and they are tainted by all the events which took place this summer. I turned around, and my life turned into a mess. I guess I should have seen it coming - I guess I was in denial, but that doesn't change the fact that it hit me harder than anything has ever hit me before. I'm not my self anymore, and I'm actually not sure who I have become. I hope it's someone that my friends and family can learn to like.

It's never too late to get up and go.

You better wake up

12441 and counting

I don't feel well on the inside. As far as my outside is concerned, that isn't important, I am not talking about physical pain. Right now I am experiencing this nagging kind of pain in my chest, aching, breaking me up from the inside. I don't want to feel this way, but there is actually nothing I can do to feel better. I guess I'll just have to wait until it passes.

Loneliness won't.

It's been almost a week since Hannes left, but it might as well been a year. Things have gone back and forth in a flying, hasty manner, and we're still not completely decided in what to do. Or, he says he is, but I'd like some proof. Speaking of proof, I would also like him to call me, I only spoke to him briefly earlier today and I guess I am assuming he will call me back. That's what's boyfriends do, right?

Ah, I just want everything to be OK for once.

Wearing Influences On Our Sleeve-Less T-shirts

Choose how to lose it all

We keep going to bed way, way too late, and here I am again, trying to work when I really need to be sleeping instead. At least they called me from the camping and told me that they don't really need me to come clean, so I can work reception instead.

I've kind of made up my mind. Actually, I have made up my mind; there should be no kind of in that sentence. So there you go.

Curious what I've made it up to? You're going to have to ask me. Obviously I don't want everyone to know through this blog. Pfft, silly you.

Why is paypal fucking everything up? Lars texted me this morning after some dude called him from Australia in the middle of the night. Nice one, people. Stupid fucking paypal!

Hm, I don't have to go in until 13.30, it is currently 11.30, and I have to be ready in about an hour so me and Hannes can go grab something to eat before work. I think I can allow my self to go back to bed for 20 minutes.. I have done most of the work and I'm just so tired!

..hmm..

What an awful blog entry. I think I'll finish this off by telling you all that I really want to make the best out of the rest of the summer. I'm going to be working at the camping until the 22nd or so, and then.. we'll see. But until then we should try to do a lot of things all the time. Love!

Sky Phenomenon

If You Ever Need a Stranger (to sing at your wedding)

I haven't slept well. Not that I have the past few weeks, but tonight was particularly bad. It didn't help that my alarm was set to 8.30 either, and I kept pushing it again and again until 10.10. Lucky for me there wasn't much to do, and I even had time to take a shower. I am sitting here typing to you while dripping water on the bed.

Dreams are funny. Well, bad-funny, and sometimes I guess they can be funny-funny, but at the moment none of mine are. I keep dreaming things that might turn out to be true, and it really bothers me. I remember last year I dreamed something that actually turned out to be true; it is obviously my sub conscience working it's magic (I already know it - but I won't think about it because it's too painful), but it still terrifies me when it happens. Whether or not what I am dreaming at the moment is true I do not know - I guess I might find out in a few days. Or not, it's hard to tell.

I kind of have to run off now.